Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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