College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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