I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
