that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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