she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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