I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize