well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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