remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
