Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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