I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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