you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
