I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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