Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
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you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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