dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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