just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
