can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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