i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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