I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
