so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've blown a few things in my day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
