I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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