I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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