Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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