I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
