I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
