Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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