If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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