you win again, gameday.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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