we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
