you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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