I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
