Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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