just tell him i said nine months
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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