my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
