I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
