are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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