why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
