Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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