she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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