1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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