She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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