so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
