overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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