i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
