went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
