Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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