The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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