You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
