OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
