I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
