You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
