i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
