Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
