He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
