Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
