Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I deserve this hangover.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
