well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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