You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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