and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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