I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And then he peed in my hair
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