i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i think im in europe. pls send help
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
