How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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