just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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