I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
