Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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