fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
