I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
