you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone shattered a urinal.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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