we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
