The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
love makes seman taste better
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
