i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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