Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
