Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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