my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
