Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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