Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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